When Ali had a serious decision to make, he usually went to the alcove where he spent most nights. He had only been kicked out of the alcove two or three times in the last couple of years. For him, it was a safe, secure, and personal place – the closest thing he knew to what a home might be.
When he was about to leave Taieb’s shop, Taieb stopped him and said, “Wait a minute – you can’t go out like that – people are looking for you!”
“Yes, but I know some short cuts,” said Ali.
With that, Ali took off like a jackrabbit, heading up one of the narrow alleys and down another, keeping his eyes open for anyone who might do him harm. When he got to the lane that led to the Gran Teatro Cervantes – there were many people, so he hid behind a fat lady who was selling melons, until he felt it was safe – then he ran as fast as he could to a point across the way from the alcove to make sure no one was following him – then made a mad dash for the alcove.
After he caught his breath, he checked to see if anyone had disrupted the few items he cherished. His most valuable possession was an empty Michael Jackson CD case with Michael Jackson’s picture on the front. He held the CD case in his hand for a long time – just admiring the photo, and then he sat down on a piece of cardboard and started to think about his big decision.
He realized if he helped Bahia, everyone in Tangier would hear about it and he would be a public disgrace – going against God like that. He’d have to walk down the street feeling shameful – and he’d never have a chance to become a shoeshine boy, or a bartender, or play football for the national team. All of this was weighing on his conscience. He was feeling depressed, which was unusual for him. He had been able to keep his spirits up even when he didn’t even have a centime in his pocket – and when he lost his sandals and had to go barefoot for two weeks.
Then he told himself that it wasn’t really his fault about going against God because he never had anybody to bring him up right and teach him about religious things, and never had the chance to go to a Koranic school and learn about God’s rules.
Then he realized that he was just making an excuse because he had heard men talk about these things in front of the mosque, or when he was begging in sidewalk cafes, or late at night asking for handouts in bars. He often heard men talking about the finer points of Islam and what ladies were supposed to do and not do. He figured that he knew enough of the rules that would qualify him for hell’s fire if he didn’t make the right decision.
He was so scared he started to sweat, so he got down on his knees and touched his forehead to the ground as he had seen men do when they pray. He started to ask God to give him the courage to go back to Hakim and help him find Bahia and the others – but the words wouldn’t come out. He wanted to tell God that he was going to do the right thing – but deep inside he didn’t think he could do it. He felt stuck between two walls and the sides were closing in on him.
Finally, he made a decision to write a note to Hakim to let him know that he would help him separate Bahia from Jack. Although he didn’t know how to write, he figured he could find a scribe that would write it for him. He felt good about this decision because it meant he would not have to go to hell – and he was relieved. He shivered when he thought about how close he had come to going to hell. Finally at peace, he fell asleep in the alcove.
He had a dream. He was with Bahia and Jack. Bahia was hugging him and Jack was teaching him how to wrestle. They went together to visit Si Taieb’s family and he got his hands washed, and then they ate couscous, and he took a nice bath every day, and knew how to wash his hair. When he woke up he was disappointed that it was just a dream. He thought about the football uniform and the football shoes – but what he really wanted was a warm family that cared for him. He knew that Hakim and Mustapha would never care for him and Hakim was probably lying about the football uniform. His heart was with Jack and Bahia, Troy, and Taieb’s family. He decided that if Jack and Bahia were going to hell – he would go with them, and since he was going to do such a bad thing, there was nothing more to lose — so he decided to become an outlaw and join up with Jack, Bahia, and Troy – if he could only find them.
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